Leaders and leadership coaches understand that silence is more productive than thinking.

To get to wisdom and clarity  SILENCE is more productive than thinking.

Get to silence first before you think.

When the mind is confronted, it reacts.

When we are conscious of this inner reaction, we can control our minds and we can stop the outer reaction.

Always start from inner clarity.

You get to clarity through silence.

From silence you can control your mind and recognise what ‘is’, what are your thoughts, what are your feelings and what are your emotions. 

Understand that they are different realities to your mind.

Outside your mind, there is only what ‘is’.

That is clarity.

From this awareness you can decide to control your thoughts, to control your words or outer silence, to control what you do or don’t do.

Notice that almost everything what happens in a society almost always stems from reaction. 

This takes positive energy and creates more negative energy.

That humans mostly are in a reaction mode is the cause of a complicated and negative society. 

As a lawyer I saw that most laws are unneccesary and a reaction to what is already past.

The same with court cases. The reason why I became a mediator.

You don’t solve problems with rules, you don’t change behaviour of people by rules. Rules don’t solve nothing and are themselves source of confusion.

The way to go is to work on the consciousness of people, on their mindset.

Coach people to be who they are meant to be. Don’t tell people to be who they are not. We are all part of the universal harmony.

But therefore you also need conscious and compassionate leaders.

Coaching versus instructive ways of learning. Mentoring, consultancy, teaching.

It is important to understand coaching versus other instructive ways of learning.

Mindful coaches start from what is.
They coach the person to become the best version of him or herself.

Not to become what others tell them to be.

That’s the difference with artificial and instructed intelligence.

Without that understanding nothing is sustainable.

Mentors exchange their experience and share the path they walked before. They will say what worked for them. But will it work for you?

Teachers transfer knowledge. Students learn what is already known. What about the unknown? What about the constant change in Life?

Consultants are specialists in a certain field. What about all the other factors in play? Each consultant has a personal, hopefully professional, opinion. Who to believe?

Mindful coaching is about empowering the consciousness of ‘being’ and opening up the mind of the coachee.

To understand who you are is always the first step.


Effective coaching is only possible if…

4 component parts of the mindset of the coachee that have to be present for COACHING to be effective:
.An awareness that something has to or can change, (if not, work on consciousness),
.A willingness to make the change, (if not, work on motivation),
.The skills and ability to make the change, (if not, work on competences)
.The understanding that change takes time and can show up later or in other ways than those originally expected or anticipated. (If not, work on the mindset)

1. Does the coachee have the capacity to understand what the situation is and what to do at this moment?
2. Is the coachee aware of this understanding?
3. Will the coachee take responsibility to change?
4. After the coaching process, is the change part of the mindset of the coachee?

#coaching, #mindset

The 10 Leadership Skills

based on article by Sunnie Giles, full article in Harvard Business Review, see link below

  1. has high ethical and moral standards
  2. provides goals and objectives with loose guidelines
  3. clearly communicates expectations
  4. has the flexibility to change opinions
  5. is committed to ongoing training
  6. communicates often and openly
  7. is open to new ideas and approaches
  8. creates a feeling of succeeding and failing together
  9. helps me grow into a next generation leader
  10. provides safety for trial and error

What makes an effective leader?

Demonstrates strong ethics and provides a sense of safety.
This theme combines two of the three most highly rated attributes: “high ethical and moral standards” (67% selected it as one of the most important) and “communicating clear expectations” (56%).
Taken together, these attributes are all about creating a safe and trusting environment. A leader with high ethical standards conveys a commitment to fairness, instilling confidence that both they and their employees will honor the rules of the game. 

Clearly communicates expectations.
Similarly, when leaders clearly communicate their expectations, they avoid blindsiding people and ensure that everyone is on the same page. In a safe environment employees can relax, invoking the brain’s higher capacity for social engagement, innovation, creativity, and ambition.
Neuroscience corroborates this point. When the amygdala registers a threat to our safety, arteries harden and thicken to handle an increased blood flow to our limbs in preparation for a fight-or-flight response. In this state, we lose access to the social engagement system of the limbic brain and the executive function of the prefrontal cortex, inhibiting creativity and the drive for excellence. From a neuroscience perspective, making sure that people feel safe on a deep level should be job #1 for leaders.
But how? This competency is all about behaving in a way that is consistent with your values. If you find yourself making decisions that feel at odds with your principles or justifying actions in spite of a nagging sense of discomfort, you probably need to reconnect with your core values. I facilitate a simple exercise with my clients called “Deep Fast Forwarding” to help with this. Envision your funeral and what people say about you in a eulogy. Is it what you want to hear? This exercise will give you a clearer sense of what’s important to you, which will then help guide daily decision making.
To increase feelings of safety, work on communicating with the specific intent of making people feel safe. One way to accomplish this is to acknowledge and neutralize feared results or consequences from the outset. I call this “clearing the air.” For example, you might approach a conversation about a project gone wrong by saying, “I’m not trying to blame you. I just want to understand what happened.”

Empowers others to self-organize.
Providing clear direction while allowing employees to organize their own time and work was identified as the next most important leadership competency.
No leader can do everything themselves. Therefore, it’s critical to distribute power throughout the organization and to rely on decision making from those who are closest to the action.
Research has repeatedly shown that empowered teams are more productive and proactive, provide better customer service, and show higher levels of job satisfaction and commitment to their team and organization. And yet many leaders struggle to let people self-organize. They resist because they believe that power is a zero-sum game, they are reluctant to allow others to make mistakes, and they fear facing negative consequences from subordinates’ decisions.
To overcome the fear of relinquishing power, start by increasing awareness of physical tension that arises when you feel your position is being challenged. As discussed above, perceived threats activate a fight, flight, or freeze response in the amygdala. The good news is that we can train our bodies to experience relaxation instead of defensiveness when stress runs high. Try to separate the current situation from the past, share the outcome you fear most with others instead of trying to hold on to control, and remember that giving power up is a great way to increase influence — which builds power over time.

Fosters a sense of connection and belonging.
Leaders who “communicate often and openly” (competency #6) and “create a feeling of succeeding and failing together as a pack” (#8) build a strong foundation for connection.
We are a social species — we want to connect and feel a sense of belonging. From an evolutionary perspective, attachment is important because it improves our chances of survival in a world full of predators. Research suggests that a sense of connection could also impact productivity and emotional well-being. For example, scientists have found that emotions are contagious in the workplace: Employees feel emotionally depleted just by watching unpleasant interactions between coworkers.
From a neuroscience perspective, creating connection is a leader’s second most important job. Once we feel safe (a sensation that is registered in the reptilian brain), we also have to feel cared for (which activates the limbic brain) in order to unleash the full potential of our higher functioning prefrontal cortex.
There are some simple ways to promote belonging among employees: Smile at people, call them by name, and remember their interests and family members’ names. Pay focused attention when speaking to them, and clearly set the tone of the members of your team having each other’s backs. Using a song, motto, symbol, chant, or ritual that uniquely identifies your team can also strengthen this sense of connection.

Shows openness to new ideas and fosters organizational learning.
What do “flexibility to change opinions” (competency #4), “being open to new ideas and approaches” (#7), and “provides safety for trial and error” (#10) have in common? If a leader has these strengths, they encourage learning; if they don’t, they risk stifling it.
Admitting we’re wrong isn’t easy. Once again, the negative effects of stress on brain function are partly to blame — in this case they impede learning. Researchers have found that reduced blood flow to our brains under threat reduces peripheral vision, ostensibly so we can deal with the immediate danger. For instance, they have observed a significant reduction in athletes’ peripheral vision before competition. While tunnel vision helps athletes focus, it closes the rest of us off to new ideas and approaches. Our opinions are more inflexible even when we’re presented with contradicting evidence, which makes learning almost impossible.

To encourage learning among employees, leaders must first ensure that they are open to learning (and changing course) themselves. Try to approach problem-solving discussions without a specific agenda or outcome. Withhold judgment until everyone has spoken, and let people know that all ideas will be considered. A greater diversity of ideas will emerge.
Failure is required for learning, but our relentless pursuit of results can also discourage employees from taking chances. To resolve this conflict, leaders must create a culture that supports risk-taking. One way of doing this is to use controlled experiments — think A/B testing — that allow for small failures and require rapid feedback and correction. This provides a platform for building collective intelligence so that employees learn from each other’s mistakes, too.

Nurtures growth.
“Being committed to my ongoing training” (competency #5) and “helping me grow into a next-generation leader” (#9) make up the final category.

All living organisms have an innate need to leave copies of their genes. They maximize their offspring’s chances of success by nurturing and teaching them. In turn, those on the receiving end feel a sense of gratitude and loyalty. Think of the people to whom you’re most grateful — parents, teachers, friends, mentors. Chances are, they’ve cared for you or taught you something important.
When leaders show a commitment to our growth, the same primal emotions are tapped. Employees are motivated to reciprocate, expressing their gratitude or loyalty by going the extra mile. While managing through fear generates stress, which impairs higher brain function, the quality of work is vastly different when we are compelled by appreciation. If you want to inspire the best from your team, advocate for them, support their training and promotion, and go to bat to sponsor their important projects.
These five areas present significant challenges to leaders due to the natural responses that are hardwired into us. But with deep self-reflection and a shift in perspective (perhaps aided by a coach), there are also enormous opportunities for improving everyone’s performance by focusing on our own.

Dr. Sunnie Giles is a professionally certified executive coach, leadership development consultant and organizational scientist. She is President of Quantum Leadership Group. She has an MBA from the University of Chicago and PhD from Brigham Young University.


The advantages of coaching for young people

It is more powerful and enriching to listen to people than to tell them what to do!

Stephan Doukhopelnikoff Coach

Doutti. Growth, Coaching Model

Doutti. Growth. Coaching Model.

G. Goals. What do I want? Are my goals ‘smart’?

R. Reality.  What is my situation now?

O. Opportunity. What can I do now?

W. Way to go. What are the steps, I Will take?

T. Timeframe. When do I take what step?

H. Help.  Who can help me?

I use this model not only in one on one coaching but also for companies and organisations. In the end every organisation is composed of individuals…


High added value is not about the high price. It is about dedication, passion and love without compromise!

A friend just shared this video clip about Japanese watermelons. They go from 200$ to 22.500$… each. But look at the effort that is done!

At first sight we will watch the video clip because we see the extra-ordinary price tag.
When you watch the video clip you understand it is not really about the price for the producers.

They place all their passion, love and focus on it without compromise. 
They go for quality not for quantity.

This is about creating. This is art. This is creativity!
This is beauty!
This is about connection between humans and nature.
This is respect for nature!

This is what we all should learn from it.
Life is about quality not quantity.

These people have added enormous value by being in the moment.

Each moment they give their full attention to create beauty inside out.
What is the value of quantity?
What love is their in quantity?
What is the value of appearances only?

So when you are exceptional in quality, you are high value!
The same with your services and your products.
And the price tag maybe will follow too ;-).




Ne vous laissez pas impressionner par ceux qui utilisent leur ‘expérience’, le savoir périmé.

Il y a quelque temps je cherchais pour la deuxième fois dans ma vie professionnelle un travail dans le cadre d’ employeur et employé.
Je suis indépendant, je l’ai toujours été et je sais pourquoi.
Après toute une carrière d’avocat d’affaires je dois constater que ‘officiellement’, dans le secteur économique d’aide dans un pays en développement, je n’ai pas d’expérience et par conséquence non plus de savoir basé sur une expérience dans le secteur. Je me sens comme…
Et si vous étudiez le marché des emplois on vous demande votre expérience…
Préférablement dans la même fonction. Et on demande des références de gens qui vont en plus confirmer que vous étiez …
Des gens qui confirment quoi exactement?
Des gens qui se basent sur le meme savoir et les memes expériences?
Et quelle garantie avez-vous de l’expérience?
Que se passe-t-il si une personne avec 27 ans d’expérience fait la même chose de travers depuis 27 ans?
Probablement, la vraie raison pourquoi le secteur d’aide ne marche pas.

“Il propose une solution à chaque problème … C’est toujours pratique, réalisable et faux.”

Cela me rappelle que j’ai plaidé l’un de mes premiers procès à l’âge de 22 ans!

C’était contre une compagnie d’assurance connue en Belgique.
Les compagnies d’assurance sont toujours représentées par des avocats très expérimentés et réputés. Et oui, après mon plaidoyer, l’avocat réplique: “Jamais au cours de mes 30 années de carrière, j’ étais confronté à un tel argument”. Il a presque dit ‘ridicule’. Il était clair ce qu’il pensait. Il m’a regardé comme si je devais avoir honte. Il avait réussi, je ne me sentais pas du tout bien.
Normalement, un juge n’écoute que les plaidoyers et n’exprime aucun avis lors de l’audience.
Tout à coup, il répond à l’avocat «expérimenté»: “C’est peut-être parce que durant ces 30 années, on n’a jamais été confronté à une personne comme lui”.
Je ne savais pas trop quoi penser jusqu’à ce que mon patron m’appelle un mois plus tard pour me féliciter d’avoir remporté ma première grande affaire.

Toute ma vie j’ai rencontré des gens comme comme cet avocat. Des gens qui pensent avoir toute la raison de leur côté par les expériences qu’ils ont vécues…
J’ai appris à me méfier de ces esprits fermés.


Quelques mois plus tard, j’ai remporté un concours international de plaidoirie.
Alors que jusqu’à l’âge de 12 ans, on se moquait de moi, par ce que … je ne pouvais pas parler ‘convenablement’.
À partir de ce moment, je me suis réalisé que j’étais différent.
Ce moment là je me suis juré de toujours rester différent et d’aider les autres qui en ont vraiment besoin! Je marcherai là où la foule ne va pas!
Un de mes meilleurs amis m’a dit une fois: «pourquoi n’écris-tu pas un livre: comment être stupide mais avoir du succès».
Vous pouvez avoir l’air stupide aux yeux de certaines personnes, mais personne n’est stupide aux yeux de l’Univers.
Maintenant que je vis en Afrique je vois comment les systèmes et la mentalité occidentale rentrent en conflit avec les esprits locaux.
Si je suis convaincu de deux lois très importantes de la vie, c’est que tout est impermanent et que la diversité, avec tous les différences est une richesse!
L’esprit humain cherche le comfort ce qui est en conflit avec la loi de l’évolution et l’impermanence des choses.
Mais si je vois quelque chose de grave qu’on a en commun c’est de sur-estimer la valeur de l’expérience, la valeur du passé.
La valeur périmée du savoir, basé sur le passé!
Comme Paul Arden le dit:”L’expérience se bâtit sur des solutions apportées à des situations et a des problèmes du passé.
Comme les situations de hier étaient probablement différentes de celles d’aujourd’hui, on est obligé d’adapter les solutions de hier (beaucoup de fois inadéquates)aux nouveaux problèmes.
Si vous avez de l’expérience vous serez sûrement tenté de vous en servir.
L’expérience c’est le contraire de la créativité.
Vous n’évoluez pas.
Ceci prouve que votre esprit est fermé.
Vous n’êtes pas ouvert aux idées nouvelles.
L’arrogance c’est que vous est même emmuré dans vos certitudes.
Ceux qui ont raison sont des gens englués dans le passé, des gens ternes et suffisants, à l’esprit rigide.”
On a tort d’être convaincu d’avoir raison basé sur son expérience…
Alors… restez humble et compatissant!
Einstein: Vous ne pouvez pas résoudre les problèmes avec le même esprit qui les a créés!

Burundi. Copiez-moi, je vous en prie!

Je me souviens à l’école et à l’université que beaucoup des élèves et étudiants posaient le bras devant leur cahier pour m’empêcher de voir leurs réponses.
Aussi pedant ma professionnelle d’avocat d’affaires et en droit d’auteur, j’ai constaté que beaucoup de gens gardent jalousement leurs idées.

Eh oui, je vis moi-même, au Burundi qu’on me copie, qu’on distribue mes idées à son propre compte.
Eh oui, ce n’est toujours pas facile par ce que ceux qui me copient essaient d’obtenir et obtiennent de l’argent de l’aide pour des choses que moi j’ai partagées volontairement.

Alors que ces pratiques peuvent me démotiver, le contraire se passe et ça me renforce.

Ceci veut dire que je suis apprécié, original et authentique.

Je me réalise aussi que si je garde tout pour moi, je limite déjà mes possibilités.

Quand on donne tout ce qu’on peut, on est obligé à se renouveler.

D’une certaine manière, plus on donne, plus on reçoit.

Les idées sont à tout le monde.
Les idées sont dans l’air.

Il vous suffit de vous mettre dans la bonne disposition d’esprit pour les cueillir au vol.

“Partagez tout ce que vous savez, vous en apprendrez d’autant plus.”: Paul ARDEN

Coaching. Mindfulness. Consciousness is the basis to ‘master’ a skill to become part of your ‘being’..

After several group coaching sessions in efficiency, people appreciated that I regularly reflect back to well-being.

To me mindfulness, consciousness is the basis to ‘master’ every skill so it becomes part of your ‘being’..

Knowledge is nothing without action.
Therefor to go from knowledge to action, knowledge has to pass the stage of ‘consciousness’ first so it becomes effective. Knowing is not enough! To know and to ‘master’ is a different level of ‘being’.

Our main focus as a coach, is on your personal well-being and your well-being at work. We help you to ‘be’, to master your ‘self’ and to ‘master’ skills.

Coach Stephan Doukhopelnikoff

The ‘mastering’ of skills, contributes to your consciousness, your own well-being and the well-being of others. We are all interdependent.”

Workshops and trainings differ from coaching and the focus is to inform or update your knowledge and understanding on the different subjects.
Coaching is focused on you mastering your self and your skills so you can ‘be’.

We believe that consciousness is the basis of everything. You can not be a successful entrepreneur and not be conscious.

Consciousness is about who you ‘are’, about your ‘being’ in relation to your self and to others. Our mindfulness page on our website will be updated regularly.